Respectfully…SHUT UP🤐!
It’s been a little over a month since my last blog post and so much has happened! But above all that has happened, the LORD is the greatest, and shut up and I have gone together so bad baby slap a muzzle on my mouth and call me mute because I have NOTHING TO SAY!
Ending January the Lord instructed me to make a phone call and apologize; now, initially, I was like, Lord I didn’t do anything so what am I apologizing for? The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is he’s never gonna play in your face so ever so gracefully he said “If you did nothing at all that would make you the Lord himself and you and I both know you are just Amber” so after I gathered my edges I went about my business and made that call.
I was met with arrogance and aggression, and as sincere as my apology was when I asked if there was anything that the other party needed me to take accountability for, I was told with as much pride that could fit in the room no, just for a week later to be emotionally ambushed with a laundry list of “transgressions” and as much as my flesh was ready to square up the Holy Spirit kept telling me to SHUT UP.
Now, here is the thing y’all: the Holy Spirit will always meet you where you are. As you can see, the Holy Spirit always fesses me up because, respectfully, that’s what I need. You may need a hold my hand and gently talk me through it approach, and that is where he will meet you. If we’re being completely honest, a lot of y’all have been blatantly ignoring the Holy Spirit, so that’s why you aren’t adhering to correction and conviction, but that’s another story for another day! GRACE & PEACE!
If you know me, back in the day, I would verbally assassinate anybody I felt was playing with me and feel no remorse. Now I honestly feel so heavy even coming out my face because nothing about that glorifies the Lord as a disciple of Christ. So naturally as my hunger and thirst for the Lord increases so does my desire to be like him.
Within the conversation that initially felt like a literal ambush, I later realized this was the Lord showing me how much the old man, or old Amber, in this case, has truly passed away. I listened and acknowledged all that was placed in front of me and held myself accountable again, sincerely apologizing for any and everything that was inflicted on my part.
Because this is someone so familiar with whom I used to be, this person heard none of what I said, and I know you’re probably like Amber, how can you say that, well, their behavior is what told me that. Even in the presence of witnesses, I have watched as my words have been twisted and turned, and my boundaries have been disregarded, and still, I’ve remained respectful and silent. Because vengeance is not mine.
Embracing and understanding that this person isn’t combating me, they aren’t coming at me, but the light that is inside of me has been the hardest thing to embrace about this, but it’s also the thing I find the most comfort in.
Silence is golden. It’s also a time when you can hear without interference and obey without personal logic. It’s the space where you surrender to the Lord and his will and dismantle your flesh surrendering.
I had an ugly cry moment (because you know we embrace crying over here!) Repenting for every time I should’ve shut up and didn’t, repenting for every time I crashed out on borrowed breath because I wanted to satisfy my flesh.
What really rocked me was when I realized who I was glorifying every time I didn’t shut up because I felt like I had something to prove. Really being okay with the fact that MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN, SO SHUT UP IS MY MINISTRY has been an adventure and a blessing.
The blessing is knowing that GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THIS WOLRD! I cannot out God, God! Either I trust him or I don’t and my behavior, my speech, and my actions will ALWAYS make clear who my master is.
I encourage you to ask yourself who your crash-out behavior glorifies. Reflect on how you feel after you’ve crashed out, and is it worth it. We’re getting older yall and having your pressure skyrocket because you’re trying to prove a point is dangerous work!
Especially when you feel justified, I encourage you to praise the Lord for an opportunity to SHUT UP, because proving a point is not worth your peace!
I LOVE YOU 🤍!
